Hello,

My name is Ahmed Javed, casually I just go by my initials AJ.
I did not think that I would be using this URL in this way to do something good for mental health.

I experienced some difficult things in my childhood and early adult life which caused problems for me. I have been trying to live well and was making a lot of progress until recently.

On the morning of May 5, 2026, I found out that I lost my job because of an incident the night before. Now, I’m advocating for something that could have saved me that night but doesn’t exist yet in Canada.

I was a temporary assignment employee at Marwood (plant 1, afternoon shift, 35 Spruce Street, Tillsonburg, Ontario). I started working there on May 9th, 2026 and after less than two months of working there, I was about to be hired on as a direct employee for a kind of a job that I would dream about, something other than what I started with. I was working hard at Marwood to stabilize my life. 

However on the night of May 4th, 2026, I raised my voice at my supervisor and team-lead, I accused them non-scenically of working against me (even though they always help me), threw a radio microphone, and basically stormed out. Although no one was around me when I threw the microphone and no one was hurt, it was wrong and I had no valid reason for doing that. I had never done anything like that at Marwood before. My team at Marwood was amazing and I loved it there.

Before deciding to leave early that shift and storming out after what happened, Marwood asked me to write down my version of events. I was emotional, I wrote down complete nonsense and gave it to my supervisor and left. Marwood ended my assignment with the staffing agency because of what happened that night. If I was a permanent employee, I would have likely been suspended or something but not fired.

All of this could have been avoided if every worker in Canada (even temporary workers from staffing agencies) had legal rights to brief emergency mental-health breaks without fear of employment consequences. So that is what I advocate for now.

Given what I had learned in therapy recently, I would have certainly taken such a break before it got to a point of not being able to control myself. Marwood did not do anything to negatively affect my mental health. I just started to have sudden intrusive thoughts because of difficult experiences in childhood and early adult life. I did get a scheduled 10-minute break while on that shift but when I got it, I didn’t need it for mental health. I was fine enough to go about things normally. 

However when I did need it, I did not have a scheduled break. I was doing fast physical work so I couldn’t stop, slow my breathing, calmly process and manage my thoughts and reset. Basically, I couldn’t stop and do at that time what I learned in therapy to save myself and things spiraled very badly because of that.

I didn’t want to ask my supervisor for a “mental health break” because I did not want to look “weak”. HR specifically told me that Marwood will have me do an “aptitude” test before ever being hired directly. I didn’t know what’s on that test and I didn’t want it to look like there was something unfavorable about me. I didn’t know things would get as bad as they did by just trying to push through and keep working. Otherwise, I would have certainly asked for that break because by not asking for that break, I ruined my chances there completely.   

I loved Marwood and even after 60 hour work weeks (with voluntary overtime), I used to eagerly wait for the next shift so I could see my team and do my job. Working at Marwood was saving my life.

Why don’t I just do another job? That is a question I would only answer to my psychologist. I do not have to explain myself to anyone regarding that. You likely wouldn’t understand easily without long exhausting explanations of private matters.

On the morning of March 9th, 2026 at Victoria Hospital in London (during the very morning I started my afternoon role at Marwood), I actually had a psychiatric evaluation following another involuntary hospital visit due to a crisis situation caused by suicidal thoughts. The psychiatric evaluation concluded that I do not need a psychiatrist or mental health medications. I have never been diagnosed with anything regarding my mental health. That psychiatrist concluded that I just need to go back to seeing my psychologist who I have not been able to see since November 2025 because of financial reasons. I would work 14 hours as a driver for Uber so that I could sit with her for 50 minutes. I used to want to see her as much as possible and I think she is worth more than what she charges. 

Now, I hope all workers in Canada have a legal right to take brief emergency mental-health breaks without fear of employment consequences. It’s a health issue like any other. Employers should all be required to develop policies on how they can offer such breaks and what if any additional emergency resources they can offer to distressed employees. If a busy restaurant or factory needs to do it differently than a slow office, then it’s understandable but every employer should be required to have policies that offer emergency mental health relief in a timely manner.

I love the plant-1 afternoon shift. They were wonderful bosses and co-workers.

I have decided to end my life. I will spend my last days doing what I like, listening to the radio, driving and going for walks. During this time, I will be starving myself so I can feel pain and at least have the satisfaction of knowing that I’m working to get my abs back even though I do not plan to be alive for long. I will still drink water and coffee. When I feel too weak to drive (I promise I will pull over before endangering others), maybe I will get lost in a wooded area and die in a place where I can see stars in the sky. I don’t know where I’m going. However, where ever I go, I will be taking taking steps to stay as clean as possible because during previous suicidal ideations, I had decided that I did not want to be unclean when I died. 

My parents know I like to drive, I walk a lot, and that I starve myself when I’m not feeling well. 

I will say this too, when I threw the radio microphone, I think the closest person to me was like 10 feet away. Also, I threw the microphone directly in front of me at a post/wall which was like less than 12 inches away from me. The microphone then hit the post and fell on to the radio box thing right in front of me. The microphone I threw did not travel far or get close to hitting another person. I don’t think this was enough to fire someone, especially since I never did anything like this at Marwood before. I was doing well at Marwood. The best I had done working for others, not self-employed stuff like driving for Uber which allowed me to take breaks whenever I needed to. I think Marwood just tried to be on the safe side given the information they had to work with. 

Anyways, I tried to give Marwood my best and if despite my dedication and commitment, if I’m not “safe enough” to work at Marwood, I’m not “safe enough” to work anywhere. I can’t survive without working. I gave Marwood my best and still got fired for, getting upset, raising my voice and throwing a small microphone less than 12 inches away from me.

As mentioned earlier, I don’t want to explain to strangers “why I don’t just get another job”.

London has amazing police officers who helped me during crisis situations before. Marwood’s plant-1 afternoon shift is wonderful. I hope all employers adopt and prioritize a mental health safety culture. 

Thanks to all who tried their best to help before but I though, will not be calling any crisis lines for help this time.

If you knew me and ever remember me, try to remember me for what I was trying to be and not what I actually was. 

Thanks, 

- AJ